Bloomin' marvellous {Blogtoberfest day 31}

This is how the garden looked a couple of days ago. See how the mass of spring blooms swaying in the warm breeze and dappled sunlight were cluttering the place up? Ixia flowers everywhere.



Thankfully some 50mm of rain has taken care of the problem.



Yep. Shredded. Decimated. Shuffled off the mortal coil. Ex-Ixias.



Along with that pesky rose. The one with dozens of buds that were threatening to flower. The branches fell off overnight. (That should save on pruning).



I'm not upset. No. No. Its fine. Really.

Bye, bye October - it was fun being part of Blogtoberfest. Thanks Cathy for hosting the month long blogging festival.

Crack

Such disappointment. The heirloom Black Russians are not quite right.

Every one of them: soft, dimpled and curvaceous with a crack right up middle.

Only I could try for tomatoes and end up with ... bottoms.

Mutants

The day I shuffle off the mortal coil, I may be remembered for a number of things, but my green thumb will not be one of them.

You see, I am a known plant killer; coming second only to Isopropylamine Salt of Glyphosate (my rival, Roundup).

But please don't get me wrong. I am not a malicious person: I love plants.

For example, I dote on the beautiful hydrangea bushes dotted around our garden. They were established plants when we moved in and I have tried very hard not to cut their lives short. I have learnt how to prune and nourish them in winter and protect them in our harsh summers.

Every now and then I try and do a little reading to learn more.



This week, I discovered that hydrangeas need aluminum in the soil to produce blue pigment. But importantly, in order to take up the aluminium, they also need the soil to be acidic.

If the soil is too alkaline or there is not enough aluminium then the flowers will be pink.



Which is puzzling. Because apparently one of our plants is doing both.



One day my epitaph will read:
Here lies Hoppo Bumpo.
Even when she got things right,
they were still a little bit wrong.

Tall poppy syndrome

The pansies were a happy bunch.



Until they noticed the high rise development.



Oh, how it towered above them.



Naturally, the pansies grew resentful.



So they hatched a plan ...

Noxious (Blogtoberfest day 14)

Only at Chez Hoppo Bumpo, would we discover ...



... that the prettiest plant in the garden is considered in some parts ...



... to be a weed; an alien invader; a garden thug ...



... and that its botanical name is allegedly derived from a Greek word meaning ...



.... bird poo.

These delightful facts brought to you as part of Tinniegirl's Blogtoberfest - a post a day in October.

One step* closer to self-suffiency

Today was the winter carrot harvest at Chez Hoppo Bumpo.

Excitement abounded.

Until we saw the carrots.



Are there any keen gardeners out there who could help explain what went wrong?



* We clearly have many steps to go.

While stocks last

NEW from the House of Hoppo Bumpo (the innovators who bought you the best selling envelope hat) a must-have, eco-friendly garden product: the Moss Buster.

Harnessing nothing but natural energy* rid your paved courtyard ...



... of unsightly moss in less than 2.5 hours using the NEW Moss Buster. Results guaranteed.



*Moss Buster and Small Boy sold separately. Any resemblance between Moss Buster and a Matchbox Bulldozer less than coincidental.

The silver lining

Its raining; its pouring.
Complaints of this is boring.
Behaviour's hit the skids.
I've got feral kids.
But at least there's colour this morning.

The azalea pictured above, is the lone survivor after a scorching summer.

Re: Application for garden makeover

Dear Extreme Renovation Makeover Blitz for Gardens,

Please consider me for your forthcoming television season.

I enclose a picture of our backyard, which I recall once comprised a manicured lawn and ornamental garden. I'm not quite sure what happened. I only looked away for a minute to do a bit of sewing and turned back to this. Can you explain this phenomenon? What is it called?

Anyway, I'd be quite chuffed if you could send round some people.

Perhaps a rangy bloke with a dog, who will barrow in 4 tonnes of new soil and take off his shirt in the sun (pphhwwooarrr). And a gal who will bring new plants and use suspect botanic names like gigantea nudiflorum. And maybe a theatrical chap, who make the whole thing look like a Balinese garden, with a water feature and something a bit thatched.

Of course, I'd be equally happy with someone who could tell me how to get rid of the weeds. That is, making use of something that won't annihilate the ankle-biters or the pet residing on the other side of the fence (the rowdy, barky one that makes noise at all hours). On second thoughts, just take the kids into consideration.

Thanking you in advance.

Yours faithfully,
Hoppo Bumpo

Vandals

I lay in wait this evening. And caught them. Yes: the vandals, who are destroying my leafy greens.

I have just one thing to say to them .... I know where you live.

Plant lifecycle 101

Listen up class; pay attention. Today, as part of Veg About, we are looking at the lifecycle of the flowering plant. There are five important stages in the cycle.

[I] Anticipation

This is where we have germination and sprouting of the seed. The plant grows to become a seedling. Figure 1 shows a sprouting potato plant. The Gardener will be thinking of oven-baked chips, lightly sprayed with olive oil and seasoned with a dash of paprika and sea salt.


Figure 1 - Nicola variety potato

[II] Confidence

In this phase the plant is growing from seedling to mature plant. In Figure 2 we see a lettuce seedling. The Gardener will be admiring the beautiful green leaves thinking how nice they would be with a balsamic dressing.


Figure 2 - lettuce seedling

[III] Delusion

During this phase of growth the plant reaches maturity and flowers. The flower comprises petals, sepals, stamen and pistil. There may be a great many flowers on the plant. Figure 3 shows detail of a tomato plant in flower. The Gardener will be imagining home-bottled tomato sauce and giving tomatoes away as gifts.


Figure 3 - Grande Lisse variety tomato

[IV] Apprehension

In this phase pollination and fruit-set occurs. Petals fall away and small fruit appears at the flower termination (see Figure 4). The Gardener will notice that only a small number of the the original flowers have fruited, then think back to similar scenes in seasons past. At least there are some nice truss tomatoes at the greengrocers in December.


Figure 4 - from a bumper crop of 2

[IV] Resignation

See Figure 5. The Gardener will be looking the other way and whistling. Let's hope the tomatoes, lettuces, strawberries and potatoes fare better than this year's plum crop.


Figure 5 - you know its a bad year when you have a tree of prunes

Veg around - potatoes

I recently realised my dream of turning vegetable gardening into a spectator sport. When Bellgirl announced her Veg Around, I saw my chance: an opportunity to see what other folk are tending to in their herb and vegie gardens. All without the aid of gardening gloves, a hoe or the Yates Garden Guide. The virtual stroll through the garden after dinner, if you will. Something I could do from the comfort of my arm chair.

I had contemplated joining Veg Around, but kept shying away. Its not that I'm lazy, but to be frank I'm not particularly blessed in the green thumb department. There have been past accusations of vegetable overcrowding and neglect, which have been difficult to shake off. As they say, throw enough mud (or potting mix) and some will stick. Even I have to confess that arriving in the gardens of Chez Hoppo Bumpo is generally a one way ticket to that big plant-pot in the sky.

However last weekend past I was given some Nicola potatoes. Not the eating kind, but the sort of shrivelly, sprouty variety that one puts into a bit of earth. Argy and Bargy seemed excited about the prospect of growing something. I have never eaten freshly dug new potatoes and I'm fearful that the boys think potatoes come from a red freezer packet, ready stamped with a smiley face. So I have decided to turn over a new leaf (.... or sod). Time to shake off the past; to make amends for transgressions against flora. Time to grow vegies.

So my plan is to fill some trugs with potting mix and plant out the potatoes. (I saw this great idea for tub gardening, over at Sparkly Green Knickers' blog). In a daring move I might even try out some companion planting.



Firstly, though, I must address the small matter of how one grows potatoes. Everything I know about tater gardening could be written on the back of a postage stamp.

By contrast I know a little more about these tubers once they have been harvested. For example, did you know that potatoes are a little bit like gremlins? They really aren't that fond of being exposed to light for too long - sends 'em green, it does (though I think it might have polished off the gremlins .... bright light, bright light ...). Yes sirree, potatoes go off on a chlorophyll bender and then start producing chemical substances called solanine and chaconine, which can make you sick. These two chemical substances are a defence mechanism and can also be produced when a potato is cut, bruised or damaged. Who ever knew the humble potato might be so dangerous?

So I'm off to cover up those potatoes and make sure they don't see the light of day for a bit. In the meantime do you have any hot tips for growing the perfect spud?