Wanted: something that really sucks

Dear Messers Hoover, Wertheim, Dyson and Miele,

I wish to bring an important issue to your attention.

I understand the cyclone tunnel, upright barrel, cordless central backpack vacuum with nine foot hosed telescopic crevice wand is probably state-of-the-art.

After all it does pick up bowling balls without losing suction, should I happen to spill a bag of them on my floor.

But what of the simple things? How about thread?

I would like to see a vacuum that sweeps and beats without being lassoed and strangled. One that avoids the high pitched mechanical whine so synonymous with motor burnout. Something that avoids regular and somewhat unsavoury topsy-turvy surgery using a stitch unpicker.

We sewers need something that allows us to suck with confidence.

Yours sincerely,
Hoppo Bumpo