January 23, 2010
For the purposes of this story my face has been pixelated and my voice modulated. You see, I am about to espouse civil disobedience.
Roll up, roll up! Its clearance time again: appliances, toys, building supplies, glassware, furniture and more. The January hard garbage collection has commenced in my municipality.
This twice yearly event, allows households to dispose of 6 cubic metres of waste per annum. By my rough calculation, our 59,000 households could fill 142 Olympic swimming pools. That's a lot of rubbish. Of course the reality is that the waste contractor will mulch, scrap and recycle parts of the refuse. I am sure that they will even make a little something on the side by on-selling things like metal.
But what about that perfectly good lamp shape that's been put out down the street? Or the nice little plastic kiddy car and basketball ring around the corner? They have landfill stamped all over them. And no matter how good they are, no one is supposed to rescue them. Its an offense; breaking of council by-law.
The council even have a dob-in-a-rummager hotline.
This kind of nonsense can only lead to lift-and-shift subterfuge. Personally I'd recommend going out at dawn or dusk. Wear a backpack. Or a trench coat with deep pockets. Maybe go walking with an empty pram. Or bring a van in the dead of night. If you'd like to be really safe, protect your identity by wearing ladies' pantyhose over your head (though not the ones you found in the hard garbage, because they probably belonged to Gladys down the street and she's a bit incontinent).
And remember: move on quickly if you see lace curtains moving or a porch light switch on. You don't want to be hearing back away from vintage Tupperware and put your hands in the air.