Ode to a paper pattern
By Hoppo Bumpo
Darling, what would I do without you?
Yes you, my dearest pattern.
You are my veneratio magister
(Possibly revered teacher in Latin?)
You entice me with your photographs
The back and front line views,
Short or long? Sleeves or not?
View A or C - what to choose?
You help me through the purchase
Of fabric, zips and thread
Without your steadfast guidance
I could so easily be misled
(I'd surely select wide wale cord
Instead of slinky satin
But you keep me right on track
My darling paper pattern)
You also keep me on my toes
With all those pattern pieces
Twenty-eight for one garment?
The cutting never ceases.
And why are twenty-seven of those
All printed on sheet one
Yet the last piece hidden, on sheet two
Is this a joke or bit of fun?
And thinking now, your multi-sizing
Really is a killer
Was I following dash-dash, dot-dash
Or something else altogether?
Actually dearest pattern
You really have a darker side
Once taken from the envelope
You ain't never going back inside
Despite your papery thickness
Being measured in microns
Unfolded, you grow exponentially
That's for certain; odds-on
So pattern, dearest darling one
I'm falling out of love.
Maybe ready-to-wear ain't so bad
(If only it fitted like a glove)
Ha ha - they are like maps - no chance of ever beingrefolded the way they were!
ReplyDeleteVery clever - and so true. It is a bit of a love hate thing with some patterns!
ReplyDeleteThe poet is back! And right on the money as usual. Was lured into purchasing a dress pattern yesterday, even though my recent skirt attempt was less than brilliant... WHAT WAS I THINKING? (Just like the gossip mags, I suspect I thought I would turn into the slip-of-a-thing on the front of the packet simply by purchasing the pattern...)
ReplyDeleteA prize winning bit of general silliness, wonderful, you've caught it all.
ReplyDelete